So hey, welcome to my first ever blog post, Yay! I’m actually getting to do something productive (uni requirement), which actually requires me to use whatever brain cells I have left after almost 2 years of fresher’s.  A little bit about me; I’m a second year first year, who decided that straight after 12 years of school and 2 years of college and little to no idea what I wanted to do, that university was most definitely the place for me.

To my surprise it really wasn’t, I chose a course which made me almost hate getting up anytime before 2pm and the dire thought of getting up in time for a 9am and 8-hour day was not worth the stress. It was at this time I really felt completely alone and I thought by surrounding myself in my own space would help my mental health – it didn’t.

When I chose to go to university the first time around I felt the pressure to accept the offer I received because I didn’t think it would be there for me in a year’s time. It took me 5 months – pause, 5 months to realize this was not for me. Buut, I learnt a lot, and I learnt a lot about myself which I hadn’t yet to experience before. I was already working in-between ‘going to uni’ so after accepting failure and dropping out I just worked full time to get what every student lacks, money! I just want to be clear, I do like money but it really isn’t everything. It does allow you to do a lot of things but it doesn’t always bring you that grounding you need. Friends and family will usually be the biggest impact, a story for another blog post!

Now I don’t make many thought provoked decisions, thinking has always been an afterthought for me, so before I ‘left’ uni I had booked to go on a ski trip (which changed my plans for the rest of the year); just because why not? It included 2 of my favourite hobbies, skiing and drinking. Both very intense and dangerous sports if done wrong, both sports I had experience with. But the thing about this skiing trip a lot of my friends couldn’t understand was, I was going not knowing anyone. This idea didn’t really bother me. From experience people who tend to go skiing tend to have the same interests so I didn’t really ‘think’ about the idea of not really making friends.

So long story short, I went on that ski trip and I can honestly say I have never experienced anything like it, (cue cringey sentence, spew) I didn’t make friends I made a family and coming home and being alone was actually awful. I was like an abandoned puppy. On this trip a group of freshers took me in and still continue to do so, they were going to be my housemates for next year and genuine people I couldn’t imagine not being there in the future. (Long story cut short, In December I went on holiday to the Med and I came back and none of my friends were speaking. The irony, they helped me with so much and now I rarely see them because of the divide between conflict of interests. It was all resolved but got even worse and this time last year feels like a long time ago now, because that’s when I initially wrote this post.

From what I wrote last year –

These friends of mine have made me spend soo much money; every month I have actually refused to look at my bank statements, because i’ve decided that the best idea is to leave that for future me to deal with at the end of the year, when I can’t do anything about it!

But I don’t even care about the money looking back, and future me will agree, I think I actually had one of the best year’s last year despite how low I was at the beginning of it all.

So here’s a little rundown of my year –

  • Jan 2018 dropout; Check
  • March – went on the ski trip solo; Check
  • April – came back from the ski trip with new eyebrows and new friends (planned summer)
  • May – Love saves the Day, Eastville Park Bristol; basically house bunking
  • June – Zante with the gals, lots of alcohol, 5am beach walks and lots of €1 pizza slices
  • July – Farr Festival in Oxford (smuggled over 12 crates of alcohol in) that’s roughly 140 alcoholic beverages between 5 of us; the limit was 12 per person.
  • August – Boomtown 10th chapter; followed by a week of recovery
  •                Creamfields – cancelled and sold my ticket on the day of the festival
  • Mid August – Flew to Turkey and vacayed for 2 weeks; did absolutely f*** all
  • September – went back to university – big achievement
  • October – weekend away with the mother to Belfast; Titanic Museum, followed by gin bar after another gin bar and a very drunk flight home on my own.
  • November – Basically living in work so I can pay off all my upcoming holidays.
  • December – Going to Rise Festival; celebrating and forgetting my 20th
  •                      Christmas time!!
  • End of December, cruising around the Mediterranean topping up my tan! Posting pics separately to a gallery.

At the beginning of the year I was mentally and physically in a pit. For anyone who knows this feeling can really understand and relate that it’s not something that can be helped. For myself, I really didn’t expect anything to this extent come of this year, and especially not at that initial starting point of the year. And because I wanted to be a little extra (and not just because sleep and alcohol effects my memory), I have collected video footage from throughout the year, to not only remind me of why I’m still poor (sigh) but to remember what I did, where I went and who with. If you got this fair, I’m impressed, thanks for reading! Cue cheesy ending.

Posted by:eastcottsammy

If you are feeling vulnerable this is a blog that shares those insecurities. We are here to open conversations about those difficult thoughts and feelings, we're also here to celebrate adventure, culture and all things fashion and food. From the start of the blog, we know have new writers, creatives and collaborators working with us.

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