Dear old friend,

Dear old friend, 

To you I am writing since it’s been a little while since we last spoke. How was your summer, and how are you doing? Have you been up to much? How’s the flat? I bet you’ve settle well. What’s it like being back in Cardiff? I have so many questions and things to tell you that it hurts to think you are no longer at arms length. 

How did we get here? 

I never wanted this, and I know neither did you. How can I resolve it, because I feel like I’m stuck, like I’m being drowned in some way? I miss being there for you when you needed me to be, a dependant, a cheerleader. As you were mine. 

I still don’t understand how it came to this, how it escalated so much and how I ended up here without a friend. You were a true soul that I connected with, it was peaceful when it was all good because there was no thought it was always laughs and jokes and your humour was always one I related to from the first time you opened that halls door. I needn’t act from that first greeting and it felt like neither did you; but look at us now. 

We are literally leading separate lives and all I could think about last night is how I missed being around you and enjoying your company. How I could dance and enjoy myself without needing more, I wasn’t withdrawn. 

It’s been a tangle of thoughts which I haven’t been able to understand at how I got woven into the hurt and the loss this friendship faced. Why did I somehow become a victim? I was not the one who argued but I was dragged and pushed to a side which I could only follow willingly. For what? 

I didn’t want it to end like this, but I feel like sometimes I was pushed this way because it was easier than to stay, the initial pain of it all was something I never anticipated. Less pain in the long run, but somehow I cry every now and then and realise how different this year was to the last. I’ve been to so many places this year which almost felt like a waste. I can’t even compare it to last year and the summer we all shared, and the impact you guys had on my life. I can’t comprehend how different our lives are now, and how I’m feeling.

Can we one-day resolve this? 

I wish I would have reached out sooner, but I wonder why hadn’t you either. Was it just the fear of generating more hurt than there already was, or was it all because of that one person?