Dear old friend, 

To you I am writing since it’s been a little while since we last spoke. How was your summer, and how are you doing? Have you been up to much? How’s the flat? I bet you’ve settle well. What’s it like being back in Cardiff? I have so many questions and things to tell you that it hurts to think you are no longer at arms length. 

How did we get here? 

I never wanted this, and I know neither did you. How can I resolve it, because I feel like I’m stuck, like I’m being drowned in some way? I miss being there for you when you needed me to be, a dependant, a cheerleader. As you were mine. 

I still don’t understand how it came to this, how it escalated so much and how I ended up here without a friend. You were a true soul that I connected with, it was peaceful when it was all good because there was no thought it was always laughs and jokes and your humour was always one I related to from the first time you opened that halls door. I needn’t act from that first greeting and it felt like neither did you; but look at us now. 

We are literally leading separate lives and all I could think about last night is how I missed being around you and enjoying your company. How I could dance and enjoy myself without needing more, I wasn’t withdrawn. 

It’s been a tangle of thoughts which I haven’t been able to understand at how I got woven into the hurt and the loss this friendship faced. Why did I somehow become a victim? I was not the one who argued but I was dragged and pushed to a side which I could only follow willingly. For what? 

I didn’t want it to end like this, but I feel like sometimes I was pushed this way because it was easier than to stay, the initial pain of it all was something I never anticipated. Less pain in the long run, but somehow I cry every now and then and realise how different this year was to the last. I’ve been to so many places this year which almost felt like a waste. I can’t even compare it to last year and the summer we all shared, and the impact you guys had on my life. I can’t comprehend how different our lives are now, and how I’m feeling.

Can we one-day resolve this? 

I wish I would have reached out sooner, but I wonder why hadn’t you either. Was it just the fear of generating more hurt than there already was, or was it all because of that one person?  

Posted by:eastcottsammy

If you are feeling vulnerable this is a blog that shares those insecurities. We are here to open conversations about those difficult thoughts and feelings, we're also here to celebrate adventure, culture and all things fashion and food. From the start of the blog, we know have new writers, creatives and collaborators working with us.

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