Ok so I think it’s safe to say that we’re now all in the same situation when it comes to going back to the gym. It’s exciting, liberating and daunting. I was so nervous, I didn’t think I’d be that nervous but I was, I was thinking I’m going to be so unfit, so weak I won’t even be able to pick a bar or even finish one set. 

Moving home I’ve been able to sign back up to my old gym, it’s my favourite place to train so I was excited when they gave themselves a huge glow up – they’ve added a dance studio, a second floor; it’s just bigger and better than before but the people are still the same. Yes, and yes baby. I don’t know if you can tell but I think I still have a huge burst of adrenaline because I’m so hyped by their glow up. PA Athletics you have done it again.

My first experience back was in true Sam fashion, a fumble of common sense somewhere being left in the car and series of dying moments and white lights which I decided not to walk to. It was incredible. 

So I get there and you have to sign in for track and trace and then you get your temperature taken all very well and good – and then I walked through the front passage and the beam of LED lights was such a glorious sight that my sense of direction completely got lost in them. I couldn’t for the life of me find the toilets, the arrows I was trying so hard to follow then confused me and yes I made my nervous little self ask and have a mini tour because I forgot that they were in fact in the same place as before. Common sense averted. They have added three staircases and they all lead to the second floor but because I usually always go the wrong way I was trying to not make a mess and got myself in an even more obvious tangle and yes that is why I was so confused. 

Yes, this is a daily struggle, no I don’t know how I’ve got this far in life without dying yet but I have somehow lived to see another day. 

I didn’t plan a session because I always find I train better when I go in with a clear head so I can just pick and choose. I will tell you right now that I decided to kick my butt straight into in by doing deadlifts because I have a love hate relationship for them. I will say truthfully my body was doing something I don’t think it’s done in a while, so when I started to shake it was no real surprise. I was seeing white lights and I was looking for the nearest bin because jesus was it hard. I thought I was going to be sick after every set but I kept going and I now feel buzzing. (Buzzing as in good) I decided to keep going. 

I finished my sets and then I headed to the rower. I was socially distanced chatting to one of the girls I knew from there, I was two rows in at this point and as I was talking I was also trying very very hard not to focus on the feelings in my belly. It was again at this point the nerves had in fact vanished but my adrenaline was on another level. 

I thought home workouts have been keeping me together but apparently not because my apple watch was telling me that my heart rate was 181bpm on more than one occasion. I was on the brink of passing out because I decided to do all of this fasted. Yes, you heard me. Silly girl. I did a bit more, washed down my equipment and decided a well deserved protein shake was needed so I could drive myself home. I had a good sit down with the windows down in the car park which actually lasted around 10 minutes because I was feeling things I hadn’t felt in a long while. 

I threw myself into that first session otherwise I knew I would build up an anxiety around going, yes be nervous because nerves always help as they say but don’t be scared. Don’t seed the thoughts around body image and your size because right now we’re all in the same boat. If you want to get fitter then go, if you want to help with your mental health then you should definitely go because there’s nothing worse than being in the viscous cycle of wanting to improve your physique but not having the confidence to go to a new environment. It’ll be that little bit nerve racking but you’ll come out feeling like you’ve accomplished something even if you were in there for 20 minutes or if you were in there for 2 hours, it’s something – remind yourself not to beat yourself up so much about not being where you want to be straight away because unfortunately everything takes time. 

You got this!! Love Sammy x

Posted by:eastcottsammy

If you are feeling vulnerable this is a blog that shares those insecurities. We are here to open conversations about those difficult thoughts and feelings, we're also here to celebrate adventure, culture and all things fashion and food. From the start of the blog, we know have new writers, creatives and collaborators working with us.

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